Things Better Left Unsaid
by Mrs. RT
Summary: Sometimes things are better left unsaid and sometimes they're not. Draco's thoughts on the matter. Warnings: This is not a happy fic. Angst, mild slash, tissue required. DracoHarry Complete
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** Things Better Left Unsaid

**Author:** Mrs. RT aka ccmom

**Rating:** M for mature

**Pairing:**Draco/Harry

**Word Count:** 712 words

**Disclaimer:** Not mine! Bows down and worships at the feet of JKR.

**Summary:** Some things are best not said, acted upon, or done.

We spoke today. Nothing serious; just basic chatter. I tried so hard to stay calm, remain aloof; trying desperately to hide any signs of my desire for you, my never-ending need to reach out and touch you.

You sat down in the chair across from me, smiling as you spoke. I was fascinated by your lips. Did you realize how red they are? How they stretch up to your eyes as you smile? I wanted to caress them with my fingers. Moisten them with my tongue. I noticed they were dry; did you need something to drink? I could find something for you.

You stretched suddenly, as you sat there talking. My eyes focused instantly on your chest. I could picture my hands there, in the middle, pressing against you lightly. Can you feel the heat of my hands on you as I rub them up and down? Is your chest as hard as it looks? I could do it, you know. Rub you gently or hard, depending on my mood. Up and down. I can feel the friction now. My fingertips are tingling from the thought.

I could picture it clearly in my mind. You'd say something and I would nod a little; my shoulders would heave with a loud sigh as I finally give into the daydream. I'd crawl over the desk and plant myself in your lap. Your eyes would widen with surprise and you would start to stutter out a question, but I would stop you with a finger on your lips. Yes, they are dry.

I'd drop my hands onto your chest, feeling for the thumping of your heartbeat. Ah, there it is. Did it just get faster? Possibly, but I'm sure you wouldn't mention it. I relish this contact with you; my eyes close slightly as I enjoy the heat from your skin. Slowly, with excruciating care, I move my hands up and down. Your head falls back as you close your eyes. I smile to myself as I hear the beginnings of a moan come from you. It starts deep in your chest and comes rumbling out slowly. The sound itself excites me almost as much as the feel of you.

My hands move up to your hair, it's always been a temptation to avoid, your hair. I can't decide if I want to run my fingers through it or grab a hold of it and drag your face closer to mine instead, I do neither. I place my hands gently on each side of your face; cradling you as I rub at the stubble I find there. Slowly I would lower my lips onto yours. The sensation of our lips meeting is more than I can take and I'll be forced to move away. Move away from the fantasy and back into reality.

You were still talking. I had no idea what you were saying since I'd been reliving what I'd like to do to you. I could barely look into your eyes. I was worried that you will see. Could you tell how much I wanted you? Did you know? I felt so foolish. Like a love-sick school kid. But I am way too old for this kind of thing and you are someone I can never have. I can hardly make the years go away and I know the ugly truth. How undesirable I am, unattractive, unwanted.

You left me, eventually, to go do your own work and I was forced to sit there and just smile. I stared hard at the book in front of me as I reminded myself not to watch you walk away while at the same time wishing in my deepest heart that you wouldn't go. But I knew that it's not meant to be.

I watched you sitting over there, just across the room. I kept glancing at you wondering if it would be a good idea or not to go to you. I could have just gotten up and talked to you, but I couldn't think of a reason. I was so distracted by you being there, that I couldn't focus any longer. Finally you were gone and I was left with only my secret fantasies and one burning question.

Would you moan for me?


	2. Chapter 2

**Title:** Things Better Left Unsaid, part 2

**Author:** Mrs. RT aka ccmom

**Rating:** M

**Pairing:** Harry/Draco

**Word Count:** 583 words

**Disclaimer:** Not mine! Bows down and worships at the feet of JKR.

**Summary:** Some things are best not said, acted upon, or done.

I'm tired now. I find myself wondering when I became this way. I wasn't always. There was a time when I was happy and carefree, but that was so long ago I can't seem to recall many details. Now, however, now I'm just numb.

I find myself going through the motions with you. Did you realize we had a script to follow? No, you probably didn't. If it doesn't involve You-Know-Who, then it doesn't exist in your world. Does it? If you suddenly found yourself with the choice between the war and me which one would you pick? The fact that I have to ask tells me what I need to know. Doesn't it? I've always been last on your priorities. Image that. Me! Last. Probably right there after whichever creature you've 'adopted' this week. Do you see me here? What do I have to do to get you to notice me?

You know that habits are hard to break and you've been my habit for so long now, it's almost instinct versus conscious choice. There's nothing worse than knowing that something's wrong but being unable to fix it or afraid of trying and failing. We've been stuck in our roles for so long, I'm afraid we'll never be free. Don't you feel it coming in on us? The pressure to maintain this façade is crushing. Why can't we just be who we really are?

I see you laughing across the hall with your friends. Did you realize that your smile doesn't reach your eyes? Yet you continue on with this game, maintaining your appearances. I know all about that. I pretend all of the time. Pretending to be someone I'd rather not be. Pretending that the way things are doesn't bother me; that I've become untouchable because of who I am. I'm tired of pretending because it takes too much out of me. It makes me feel even colder than I was before.

I'm not tired now. Now I'm angry; angry with myself. I just need to change this. I will not be weak like this. I'll be strong. My anger makes me feel strong enough to want things and I'll do what I want. Like how I want to throw things across the room at you and shatter this illusion of fakeness that we all contribute to. I want to scream at the top of my lungs about how the real world is out there, but we're too busy hiding in here, pretending. Never stopping or deviating from the script. Just once I'd like to have things my way.

Why can't I have this one simple thing? What do I have to do? Why don't you tell me? Oh for crying out loud, when did I become such a girl? So you've become everything to me, so what? I'm not going to go to you and beg. I'm not so desperate for you touch that I'll come crawling and pleading for your forgiveness, you're attention. I can pretend that I can't image the feel of you against me; the heat from your body and the strength of your arms. You'll come to me eventually, I know it. I pray for it.

I need to break the habit of my having feelings for you. I know that once my obsession is over, you'll become aware of me then. Once I don't want you anymore. You'll pay attention. Once I don't want you anymore, maybe then, just maybe then, you'll love me too.


	3. Chapter 3

**Title:** Things Better Left Unsaid, part 3

**Author: **Mrs. RT aka ccmom

**Rating:** M

**Pairing:** Harry/Draco

**Word Count:** 611 words

**Disclaimer:** Not mine! Bows down and worships at the feet of JKR.

**Summary:** Sometimes our thoughts are better left unsaid.

You touched me today. Do you remember? I'm sure you didn't even realize that you did it. You came up from behind me while I was sitting at my usual spot. I was so focused on what I was doing that I didn't even hear you approach.

You giggled, _giggled,_ as I jumped slightly in my chair, while you had your hands on my shoulders. Boo you had said. Boo? What the hell is that all about? I sneered at you to hide my embarrassment. How could I have been caught off guard like that? I watched you laugh at my attempt to conceal my blush. I hated you again at that moment. Yet all I could feel was the lingering heat from your hands. The spot you had touched was still warm and I secretly wished you had stayed there. But you didn't. You left me alone, again.

I reached a hand up to touch my shoulder. My eyes closed so I could relish the feeling some more. I could imagine you still there. How I wished I could have leaned back for a moment and allow myself the luxury of the sensation of your body. The warmth that seems to surround you and the feeling of comfort you give off without being aware of it. Did you know that you have strength of your presence that I will never have? How do you do that? Make people love you at the same time as they hate you? Or maybe it's just me?

My mind started to run away with me as I sat there remembering your touch. What I would have given to feel more of it. I imagined that you would start to rub my shoulders, using a gentle but firm motion. Slow circles at first and then you would move on down the middle of my back. I moaned a little at that thought. I didn't realize how sore I was. It felt so good, having you touch me. I wanted more.

You moved closer to me as you hands moved downward. I felt your breath on the back of my neck. I shivered as the goose bumps appeared on my arms. I couldn't move. If I had you might have remembered what you were doing and stopped. Remembered who you were doing this to and taken off. A low groan of disappointment escaped my mouth as you moved a step away. Your hands raised up my back again and have stopped on my neck. I hadn't realized I was so sensitive there. I shivered a second time, cursing my inability to hide my reactions from you. But you don't say anything. Instead you leaned over and whispered in my ears. Something about later and I hope to see you, but I couldn't make out the words over the thundering in my ears. My own harsh breathing was louder than your soft words. I turn in my seat as I realized you were leaving and started to ask you to repeat what you had just said.

Instead, I realized that you weren't really there and I had been daydreaming again. I'm disappointed and embarrassed that I want you so badly. That no matter what I do, it will never be enough. Never enough to earn your respect or your forgiveness. I turned around in my seat again and glared at my books. I needed this to stop; this obsession with you. Yet, it's all I have left now, even with the end of the war coming.

Please Harry. Please win. I don't know what I'd do without you. Even if you know what you'd do without me.


	4. Chapter 4

**Title: **Things Better Left Unsaid, part 4

**Author: **Mrs. RT akaccmom

**The rest:** see previous chapters

This is not happening! I can't believe it. I refuse to believe. There is no way that you could have lost at the same time that you won. Yes, you defeated him, but how could you have gone down with him. You're supposed to have been the savior, the hero, nothing bad can happen to you. My hands won't stop shaking and I can't seem to get warm. I've got this chill that's running all over my body; I've had it since the professors told us what happened.

I just know you didn't go to face him alone. Harry, why? Nobody takes on the Dark Lord alone. They are obviously lying to us. Someone must have misunderstood. When I find out who is making up these stories about you, I'll get them. Because there's no way that you're gone. You wouldn't leave me like this, I know it. We're not finished yet. But what if the stores are true? Then how could you do this to me? Sweet Merlin you really are dead!

You asshole! You utter bastard! How could you let him kill you? Why did this happen to you? Why couldn't you have lived like you were supposed to? I hate you! You've ruined my life completely this time. You took everything from me. Everything! Come back here and I'll hex you all over again. I dare you to show your face you coward. Come back here, right now Potter!

I threw things at the walls as I shouted at your ghost. Madam Pomphrey had to give me something to calm me down, but all I could think of was why you weren't here so I could yell at you in person. The anger turned in my stomach for days as I plotted how to bring you back so that I could kill you myself. I'd do anything for a chance to hurt you, to make you understand how much I need you. It wasn't long before the anger faded and I realized how much I missed you. What I would give to have you back.

Please, by all that's magic, please, bring him back to me. I'll do anything. I promise I'll be nicer to him. I'll be nice to his friends. I won't call them names anymore. I'll try to like muggles. I'll even smile on occasion. Anything. Somebody please tell me he'll be back. Tell me that this is really just a bad dream. Bring him back. I need him so much. I'll beg if that's what it would take. I'll give up all of my galleons, my family, and my past. You can have whatever you want. Please. But my prayers went unanswered; regardless of which god I prayed to.

I've gone numb again. Everything seems so bland now that you're gone. I go through my day in a kind of daze. Almost everyone is in mourning and people routinely breakdown in tears about you. I can't even work up the energy to cry. It wasn't supposed to end like this, regardless of how much of a clique that is. We were supposed to become friends after the end of the war. Gradually build up a relationship. I was looking forward to seeing you overcome your wariness around me and to enjoy the relationship that we were suppose to have with the careful touches and the heart-stopping kisses. Not to mention all the angry fighting we would do just so we could have the great make-up sex. We were a legend in my own mind, you and I.

But it's all gone now. There's this empty space where my soul used to be. You took it with you when you left me. You were always leaving me. Except this time, it's forever. I miss you so much. All I want is one more change to tell all the things that were left unsaid. Will this pain ever end? I supposed in time, everything ends.

I went by your grave today. There is still a ton of flowers, gifts and knickknacks that your fans have left you. You always inspired loyalty from everyone you had ever met. It's been over five years now since you defeated the Dark Lord. It's taken me this long to finally let you go. I didn't think I would be able to, but I have. I realize now why you had to die; there really wasn't any other option. It was the only way to make sure he didn't come back. I'm laughing now at your Gryffindor traits that would cause you to be so noble; so self-sacrificing. If you had been a Slytherin, you would have come up with a different solution, but you weren't, so I guess it's good that you stayed true to who you really were.

The wizarding world is almost back to normal now. Granger and Weasley are finally getting together. Merlin save me. Just how many red-haired brats are they planning to have? I shudder to think about it. It took them a long time to get over your loss but I think they'll be okay now.

I still miss you more than anything. Do you remember that one quidditch game? When you caught the snitch in your mouth? I will always remember that as one of your greatest achievements ever. Your face was alive with your excitement and I've never seen you look so proud of yourself. The crowd cheered and shouted in joy, celebrating your victory. That's how I will always remember you, with a smile on your face and your hand raised high in triumph. I'll remember that forever, just like I want you to remember one thing about me.

"I love you, Harry."

The End

Special note of thanks to everyone who left such kind reviews. Thank you!


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